I Can't Do This Anymore:

What to Do When You've Lost the Will

*IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: This resource is not a substitute for professional mental health support. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger of self-harm or suicide, please contact emergency services immediately or go directly to your nearest emergency room. This information is provided for educational purposes only.

*CONTENT WARNING: This resource discusses suicidal thoughts and related topics. If you find this content triggering, please consider having a supportive person review it first or contact a crisis line for immediate support.

This resource is for any man who has thought: "I don't know if I can keep going."

A person sitting on a bedside bench in a dimly lit room, holding their head in their hands, indicating distress or deep thought.

When the Weight Becomes Unbearable

There comes a point in some men's lives when the pain exceeds what feels bearable. When waking up each morning becomes an act of courage. When the thought of continuing feels impossible.

If you're reading this and nodding, please know this first: You are not alone in this experience. The feeling that you can't go on is not unusual, it's not a character flaw, and most importantly, it's not permanent, even when it feels that way.

We believe in acknowledging these experiences with care and respect. We recognize that each person's pain is unique, valid, and deserving of compassionate attention.

Recognizing When You're in the Danger Zone

The thoughts of giving up rarely arrive suddenly. They build gradually, often showing themselves through warning signs like:

Immediate Warning Signs:

  • Direct thoughts of suicide or making specific plans

  • Feeling like a burden to everyone around you

  • Believing others would be better off without you

  • A sudden sense of calm after a period of distress (which can indicate a decision has been made)

  • Giving away possessions or putting affairs in order

  • Saying goodbye to people in ways that feel final

Earlier Warning Signs:

  • Withdrawal from friends, family, and activities once enjoyed

  • Increased use of alcohol or substances to numb emotional pain

  • Sleep disturbances—either sleeping too much or barely at all

  • Loss of interest in things that used to matter

  • Expressions of hopelessness or feeling trapped

  • Persistent feelings of worthlessness or excessive guilt

  • Uncharacteristic risk-taking behaviors

  • Researching suicide methods online

If you recognize several of these signs in yourself, especially the immediate warning signs, this is an emergency requiring immediate action.

What to Do Right Now If You're Considering Suicide

If you're actively thinking about ending your life:

Reach Out Immediately

  • Call a crisis hotline:

    • International Association for Suicide Prevention: https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/ (find your country's number)

    • US: 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Call or text 988

    • UK: Samaritans: 116 123

    • Australia: Lifeline: 13 11 14

    • Canada: Crisis Services Canada: 1-833-456-4566

  • Text someone you trust with these exact words: "I'm having thoughts of suicide and I need help right now."

  • Go to an emergency room or call emergency services (911, 999, 000, etc.)

Create Distance Between Yourself and Means of Harm

  • Remove weapons, medications, or other potential means from your immediate environment

  • If you can't remove them, remove yourself or go to a public place like a coffee shop or library

  • Ask someone else to hold onto potentially dangerous items temporarily

Stay Connected

  • Do not isolate yourself when these thoughts are present

  • Ask someone to stay with you until the immediate crisis passes

  • If alone, call a crisis line and stay on the phone until help arrives

Understanding Barriers to Reaching Out

Many men hesitate to ask for help during crisis moments. This hesitation often stems from understandable concerns that are worth addressing:

The Concern About Being a Burden

If you're worried about burdening others with your pain, consider:

  • Most people feel honored, not burdened, when someone trusts them enough to share difficult feelings

  • Mental health professionals are specifically trained and prepared to support people in crisis

  • Support groups exist precisely for sharing these struggles

The Impact of Depression on Thinking

Research shows that depression and suicidal thoughts can significantly alter perception and thinking patterns:

  • These conditions can create thought distortions that feel absolutely real but don't accurately reflect reality

  • These distortions often include beliefs that others would be better off without you

  • These thoughts are symptoms that can respond to proper treatment and support

Reframing Help-Seeking

Consider that:

  • Reaching out demonstrates wisdom and self-awareness, not weakness

  • Everyone needs support at various times—it's part of the human experience

  • Allowing others to support you can strengthen, not weaken, relationships

After the Immediate Crisis

If you've taken steps to keep yourself safe through the immediate danger, here's what comes next:

1. Professional Support

  • Make an appointment with a mental health professional as soon as possible

  • Consider an assessment for medication if recommended by your doctor

  • Look into intensive outpatient programs or other structured support systems

  • Be completely honest with healthcare providers about your thoughts and feelings

2. Environmental Changes

  • Minimize time alone until the crisis period has passed

  • Create a simple daily structure with scheduled activities

  • Remove or secure items that could be used for self-harm

  • Reduce stress factors where possible (take time off work if needed)

3. Physical Well-being

  • Prioritize sleep hygiene as sleep deprivation worsens suicidal thoughts

  • Move your body daily, even if just for a short walk

  • Eat regularly, focusing on nutritious foods that support brain health

  • Avoid alcohol and drugs which intensify suicidal thoughts and impair judgment

4. Breaking Isolation

  • Attend a men's group where authentic conversation is encouraged

  • Reconnect with one trusted person each day, even briefly

  • Consider staying with someone until you feel more stable

Finding Connection and Meaning During Crisis

During times of severe emotional pain, finding solid ground can feel impossible. Here are some approaches that others have found helpful:

Meaningful Connection

Research consistently shows that connection is crucial during crisis. Consider:

  • Reaching out to one trusted person who can simply be present without judgment

  • Joining an online support community specifically for men

  • Attending a professionally facilitated men's group

  • Connecting with a mental health professional who specializes in men's issues

Moment-to-Moment Coping

When in acute distress, focus on getting through small increments of time:

  • Practice "5-5-5" breathing: Inhale for 5 counts, hold for 5 counts, exhale for 5 counts

  • Ground yourself in your five senses: Notice 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste

  • Use cold sensations (like holding an ice cube or splashing cold water on your face) to help regulate your nervous system

  • Remind yourself: "This particular moment of pain will pass"

Finding Small Points of Light

Even in the darkest times, identifying tiny sources of meaning can help:

  • Caring for a pet

  • Watching the sun rise

  • Creating something, no matter how simple

  • Helping someone else in a small way

  • Noticing one beautiful thing in your environment

Remember that healing is not linear, and that small steps forward are still progress.

Creating Your Safety Plan

A safety plan is a personalized, practical list of strategies and resources you can use when thoughts of suicide emerge. Having this prepared in advance gives you clear steps to take when your thinking may be clouded by intense emotional pain.

Your Safety Plan Should Include:

  1. Warning signs that a crisis might be developing for you (specific thoughts, images, feelings, situations)

  2. Internal coping strategies that don't require contacting another person (meditation, physical activity, grounding techniques)

  3. People and social settings that provide distraction and support

  4. People you can ask for help with their contact information

  5. Professional resources with their contact information (therapist, crisis hotlines, local emergency room)

  6. Steps to make your environment safe (removing or securing potentially harmful items)

  7. Your reasons for living (people you care about, future hopes, things you still want to experience)

Download your Safety Plan Template and complete it with the help of a mental health professional or trusted friend.

Moving Forward: The Longer Path

Recovery from severe hopelessness and suicidal thoughts is rarely linear. There will be better days and harder days. Progress often comes in small increments rather than dramatic transformations.

Here are some approaches that have helped men find their way back:

Finding Purpose in Pain

Many men discover that their darkest experiences eventually become the source of their greatest contributions. Consider how your experience might one day help others facing similar struggles.

Trauma-Informed Care

For many men, suicidal thoughts are connected to unresolved trauma. Approaches like EMDR, Somatic Experiencing, or trauma-focused cognitive behavioral therapy can help address the root causes of your pain.

Meaningful Connection

Isolation kills. Regular, authentic connection with others who can hear your truth without judgment is non-negotiable for healing.

Spiritual Exploration

Many men find that connecting to something larger than themselves provides a framework for understanding and transcending suffering. This might be through traditional religious practices, nature, service to others, or other spiritual pathways.

Rebuilding Identity

When the foundations of your identity have crumbled, there's an opportunity to rebuild based on what truly matters to you. This often involves identifying and living by your core values rather than external expectations.

Additional Resources and Support

Each person's experience is unique, and there is no one-size-fits-all approach to healing. The suggestions in this resource are offered as possibilities to consider, not prescriptions.

Remember that professional help is crucial. The resources and approaches mentioned here are meant to supplement, not replace, professional mental health support.

Support for Caregivers

We understand the challenges faced by those supporting loved ones at risk of suicide. We have created a guide for caregivers to access essential strategies for crisis response, communication techniques, and boundary-setting practices that will equip you while maintaining your own wellbeing during this difficult time.

Legal Disclaimer: The Men Spirit provides educational resources only and does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read in this resource.

If you are experiencing thoughts of suicide or self-harm, please seek immediate professional help by calling a crisis line, going to your nearest emergency room, or calling emergency services.