A Man’s Guide to Understanding Privilege: From Awareness to Allyship
Beliefs (Rewrite Your Story) & Relationships (Rebuild Your Connections)
This article is a courageous exploration of two interconnected dimensions of The Men Spirit Framework. It directly challenges the Beliefs that prevent men from seeing the unearned advantages they may hold, reframing the concept of privilege not as a source of shame, but as an opportunity for awareness and growth. By understanding this concept, men are better equipped to build more authentic and equitable Relationships, moving from a place of defensiveness to one of empathy, understanding, and active allyship. This is a critical resource for any man committed to personal integrity and building a better world for everyone.
Executive Summary
The term “male privilege” can be one of the most charged and misunderstood concepts in modern discourse. For many men, it can trigger feelings of defensiveness, guilt, or dismissal. This guide reframes the conversation, moving away from blame and toward a constructive, non-shaming exploration of what privilege actually means. It is not about suggesting that men have not struggled; it is about acknowledging that being a man has not been one of those struggles. Through relatable examples and a focus on personal growth, this article provides a practical framework for men to build awareness, cultivate empathy, and use their position to become powerful allies for a more equitable world.
Key Takeaways
Privilege is Not About What You’ve Been Given, But What You Haven’t Had to Go Through: It’s about the absence of obstacles, not necessarily the presence of unearned benefits.
Acknowledging Privilege Does Not Erase Your Hardship: You can have privilege in one area of your life (like your gender) and face significant challenges in others (like your socioeconomic status).
Defensiveness is a Natural, But Unproductive, Response: This conversation is not an attack on your character, but an invitation to greater awareness.
Awareness is the First Step to Allyship: You cannot be an effective ally to others until you understand the systemic advantages you may hold.
This is an Act of Strength, Not Shame: The courage to look at this topic with an open mind is a hallmark of a man committed to integrity and growth.
Introduction: A Difficult, But Necessary, Conversation
The term “male privilege” can be a conversation-stopper. For many men, it feels like an accusation, implying that their life has been easy or that their achievements are unearned. This defensiveness is understandable, but it often shuts down a conversation that is essential for personal growth and building a more equitable world.
Let’s start by reframing the concept, drawing from the foundational work of Peggy McIntosh (1988) . Privilege is not about what you’ve been given, but what you haven’t had to go through. It is the presence of an advantage, not necessarily the absence of hardship (Phillips & Lowery, 2020).
You can have faced immense personal struggles—poverty, trauma, illness—and still hold privilege in other areas of your life. Acknowledging male privilege does not erase your personal pain; it simply recognizes that your gender has not been the source of that pain.
This guide is not about blame. It is an invitation to curiosity, self-awareness, and a deeper understanding of the world.
What Does Male Privilege Actually Look Like?
Privilege is often invisible to those who have it. It shows up in the small, everyday experiences you don’t have to think about.
Consider these examples:
•You can walk to your car alone at night without gripping your keys as a potential weapon.
•Your professional competence is rarely, if ever, questioned based on your gender.
•You are not expected to smile for strangers to make them feel comfortable.
•In a professional setting, your assertiveness is likely to be seen as leadership, not “bossiness.”
•You can be confident that your reproductive rights will not be the subject of a national political debate.
These are not signs that your life is perfect. They are simply examples of a world that is, by and large, designed with your gender as the default.
Why This Matters for Your Personal Growth
Understanding privilege is not about feeling guilty. Guilt is a useless emotion that leads to paralysis. This is about building empathy and integrity.
•It Deepens Your Relationships: When you understand the subtle ways the world is different for women and other marginalized groups, you can listen with more empathy and build stronger, more authentic connections.
•It Strengthens Your Leadership: In any leadership role—as a father, a manager, or a community member—awareness of privilege allows you to create more inclusive and equitable environments where everyone can thrive.
•It Aligns You with Your Values: If you believe in fairness and justice, then understanding and challenging unearned advantage is a powerful way to live in alignment with those values.
From Awareness to Allyship: How to Use Your Privilege for Good
Once you begin to see privilege, you can’t unsee it. The next step is to move from passive awareness to active allyship.
1.Listen More, Talk Less. When women or people from other marginalized groups share their experiences, listen without debating or defending. Your role is not to explain their experience to them, but to believe them.
2.Amplify Other Voices. Use your position to create space for others. If you are in a meeting where only men are speaking, you can say, “I’d love to hear from some of the other voices in the room.”
3.Challenge Other Men. This is perhaps the most powerful form of allyship. When you hear a sexist joke or see another man behaving in a disrespectful way, use your voice to challenge it. It carries more weight coming from you.
4.Educate Yourself. Continue to read, listen, and learn about the experiences of others. This is a lifelong journey of unlearning and relearning.
Conclusion: An Act of Courage
Engaging with the concept of privilege is an act of courage. It requires you to set aside your ego, listen with an open heart, and be willing to see the world from a different perspective. It is not an easy conversation, but it is a necessary one for any man who is committed to a life of integrity, empathy, and authentic strength.
This is not about being a perfect ally. It is about being a willing one. And that is a powerful place to start.
References
McIntosh, P. (1988). White Privilege and Male Privilege: A Personal Account of Coming to See Correspondences Through Work in Women’s Studies. Wellesley, MA: Wellesley College, Center for Research on Women.
Phillips, L. T., & Lowery, B. S. (2020). I ain’t no fortunate one: On the motivated denial of class privilege. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 119(6), 1403–1421. https://doi.org/10.1037/pspi0000240
Tulane University School of Social Work. (2019, November 18 ). Allyship: What It Means to Be an Ally in Social Work. Retrieved from https://socialwork.tulane.edu/blog/allyship/
