The Gentle Art of Loving Yourself
Be Kind to Yourself
How many times have you heard that expression? How many times have you wondered what it actually means? Or even how do you do it? Maybe you've dismissed it as new age nonsense, thinking whoever says that has no real idea what you're going through.
I'm not here to tell you what kindness means to you. It's easier to define kindness when we're giving it to someone else. Maybe it's easier to give than to receive. So my kindness to myself can mean something completely different to yours.
When we think about being kind to others, the concept seems clearer. We smile at strangers, check in on friends, donate to causes we care about. These actions flow more naturally for many of us. But there's a common thread that runs through kindness whether it's directed outward or inward love. Love for ourselves or others.
My Journey Wasn't Always Kind
My personal journey with self-love and kindness hasn't been very kind at all. It was always much easier to spread love and kindness to others than to myself. But I had to ask myself, was it genuine? Was it coming from an authentic place?
The truth is, my lack of self-love was rooted in unresolved trauma and limiting beliefs. I had created this idea that I could be there for everyone else, and somehow that would make me feel better about myself. You might argue that this is another way of showing self-love, but I disagree. This approach was inauthentic. My container - my soul and spirit - ran completely dry because I didn't know how to love myself first. It was a mask I wore to hide from my own pain.
Where I Started
The first act of kindness I showed myself was asking for help. I realized I couldn't keep going alone. Whether it was family, friends, or a therapist, I needed to be vulnerable with them and finally start sharing what was happening in my head.
Self-love also meant I needed to understand what was happening within me. The awareness of who I am and my purpose. That part was - and always will be - confronting. You can't hide or lie to yourself. You can't make excuses, procrastinate, or blame others. It's just you with yourself.
What helped me back then was poetry. Nothing too artistic or elaborate - just abstract thoughts given shape and form on paper. This is actually the first time I'm sharing my poetry in public, and that feels vulnerable. But self-love doesn't mean seeking validation from others. I was able to use my artistic expression for just that - expression. Here's a little extract:
Hesitation of the moment
Always improper
When I wanted to go
Thunder and obstacles
I was never enough
What Does It Really Mean?
So let's get back to our original question: What does it mean to be kind to yourself?
Maybe it looks like simple, powerful moments:
Forgiveness. The gentle letting go of mistakes, shoulds, and what-ifs that keep you trapped in yesterday.
Love. Speaking to yourself the way you would to someone you cherish.
Laughter. Finding joy in small moments and your beautifully imperfect humanity.
Play. Remembering that life doesn't always have to be so heavy.
Rest. Your body and soul need fuel, not constant pushing.
Tears. Honouring whatever comes up instead of pushing it away.
Sometimes kindness is buying these golf clubs. Sometimes it's saying no to plans when you need space. Sometimes it's admitting you don't have it all figured out. Sometimes it's celebrating the tiniest victories that no one else would even notice.
You Are Worth It
I think you get it by now. Be intentional with this beautiful being that was born against odds of 1 in 400 trillion. You have this amazing body to carry you around, to help you experience fun, love, and manifest all your dreams. Be kind to that little voice inside your head, it deserves love too.
Self-love is not being selfish. Self-love is our right. It's our gift to ourselves.
When we learn to be genuinely kind to ourselves, something magical happens. We stop running on empty. We show up more authentically for others because we're not desperately trying to fill a void. We become more patient, more understanding, more genuinely loving.
The world needs more people who know how to love themselves well. Not from a place of ego or superiority, but from a place of deep acceptance and compassion. When you're kind to yourself, you give others permission to be kind to themselves too.
You are worthy of your own kindness. You always have been.
